


It's The Same Old World

by TheTimeDog



Category: Assassin's Creed
Genre: Basically just crack, Humour, OC
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-22
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-01-13 09:45:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1221655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTimeDog/pseuds/TheTimeDog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When video game characters suddenly appear in our world, chaos is sure to ensue. Follow the mishaps of this moonstruck Mary Sue who attempts to rehabilitate these characters into the modern era. This is NOT an OC/*insert fictional characters name*.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In which I am temporarily blinded

**Author's Note:**

> All Assassin's Creed character's do not belong to me (sadly). Hope you enjoy it!

Finally it was the summer! After the hard-work of finishing sixth form and A-Levels, I could relax and do whatever I wanted. But most importantly, I could game uninterrupted in peace without having to worry about deadlines for essays or revising for tests. This weekend I was home alone. More time for me to continuously play the PlayStation 3 non-stop. As I sink back into my beanie bag, placed a few feet away in the widescreen TV, I turn on the console with my controller. The screen flicks to the front of the Assassin’s Creed III cover and I select it with excitement. Yes, I’d finished playing the whole game but, call me a geek; I wanted to reply it again in order to get full synchronization for every level.

Right now I’m on the cinematic scene where the Templars are gathered to discuss plans to infiltrate Southgate. Ah, my eyes are only for Haytham Kenway, my favourite character. _Yes, don’t laugh!_ I am in love with a fictional character from a game and book. Especially the book, Forsaken, because reading his journal somehow makes me feel as if I’ve personally known him myself, as sad as that sounds. There’s just something about tall, black-haired, British villains that attracts me. Ok, enough of delving into my personal choice of male preferences, the cutscene is almost finished. The camera focuses on the Grand Master of the Templars, as he gets up from the table and leaves. _But, what’s this?_ It would usually stop about now and go to gameplay. Instead it has him strutting through the opaque and digital animus plains. Twisting the analogue stick here and there, I find with confusion that I cannot control him. I wonder to myself if this is a major fault whilst he continues to saunter towards the camera. He gets closer and closer, almost as if…as if he was walking straight towards me!

Suddenly there’s a flash of white blinding light. Using my arms to shield my eyes, I cry out aloud. Whatever’s happening is seriously freaking the hell out of me. _This kind of glitch doesn’t happen, right?_

“W-what’s going on here?” A booming deep male voice echoes, I could say the same thing but am frozen with fear. Again the rich and opulent voice enquiries out aloud. “Where am I?” I swear I recognise it.

It’s still bright and I have to squint. I make out the figure of a tall and broad-shouldered person in front of me but I can’t see their face properly. Then, just as suddenly as the lights appeared, they diminished until my eyes were back to normal. Lowering my arms slowly, I caught sight of a pair of brown, buckled, over the knee boots. _No, this is not happening?!_ My eyes wonder up to the white trousered legs, pausing at the area just below his scarlet waistcoat. Damn, that’s a rather large – _What am I doing?! Concentrate now!_ I can feel my cheeks redden as I gulp and tilt my head, passing up the grey blue military style overcoat, to perceive the bewildered expression on the person’s face. My jaw drops. _Holy mother of God!_ Right there in front of me is none other than Haytham Kenway himself. _Ok, try not to fangirl, don’t fangirl, please!_ I haven’t squealed or moved yet, good sign, probably because of the shock.

“I-Who…Where…” Haytham stutters and begins to sway. “My…head is sp-spinning…”

_Is he ok?_ He does look very pale and now he’s holding his head in his gloved hands. Haytham’s staggering dangerously and looks as if he can’t get his balance; actually he looks like he’s had way too much to drink. Maybe if it had been a different person I would’ve laughed or found it funny but currently the mood was quite the opposite.

_Wait! Uh oh._ Haytham’s eyes roll back into his head, not a good sign.

_No, no, NO!!!_ Before I have the chance to roll out of the way, the Grand Master of the Templar's collapses on top of me.

This is when I let out a large inhumane squeal that sounded almost as if a pig had just been squashed. Yes, the noise I made was very unattractive and I was extremely glad Haytham was not conscious. Luckily, my head was not crushed as it poked out over his shoulder but this could not be said for the rest of my body which was pinned down under his muscular frame. _Mmmhhhh. This wasn’t too bad._ I could get used to this, sure there was an unconscious man squishing me, nevertheless that man was the Haytham Kenway. And even though I was starting to get pin and needles, I feel somewhat content in this strange position. _Probably just my fangirl talking here._ I only attempt to move when I begin to find it hard to breathe. Slowly, I try to shirk out from under Haytham’s weight and silently cringe when the beanie bag rustles loudly like a thousand angry rattlesnakes. Somehow the sound dies not wake him up thankfully, and I manage to slip away. It was then that I realise the consequence of Haytham falling on top of me. My beanie bag had exploded and there were tiny plastic balls scattered all over the floor. I groan loudly and close my eyes, resting my head against a nearby sofa wondering how this could happen to me.

_Ok, maybe if I calm down and take a few deep breathes it will all go back to normal._ Yeah, I’m probably dreaming anyway, now I’ll just open my eyes and it’ll be alright. Snapping open my eyes I see Haytham still sprawled over my busted beanie bag, it really does look like he’d been out on the lash and came back drunk, falling asleep on the first thing he fell into. _Aww, he did look very sweet ‘asleep’._ I feel bad for just leaving him like that on the floor so decide to move him to a more comfortable place that was the sofa. Dragging his body as gently as I could, I somehow manage to heave the upper part of Haytham’s torso onto the sofa and then carefully placed his legs in position. Taking a step back to admire my handiwork, I can’t help but smile. The adorable sight of Haytham Kenway ‘napping’ on my sofa was tugging at my fangirl feels. I held back a giggle but paused when he suddenly squirmed.

It was dawning on me that I had an actual real life person, from a video game, in my house, one who would not be afraid to kill at any chance. Swallowing nervously, my eyes wander to his wrists where his hidden blade might be and I make up my mind not to remove it in case he thinks I’m an enemy. Cautiously, I approach him. Haytham’s handsome face was twitching in what seemed like pain and sweat covered his brow. Taking off his tricorne hat, I hover my hand above his high forehead. _C’mon there’s no time for shyness, he could be really ill!_ I take a deep breath and lower my hand to get his temperature. It’s extremely hot and I wonder if travelling across different dimensions causes fever. _Enough of pondering, go help him out already!_

Shaking my head slightly, I rush upstairs, grab a flannel, soak it in cold water and wring it out. Then I hurry back downstairs, fold it in half and place it upon Haytham’s heated forehead. He flinches slightly under the coldness but doesn’t wake up and after a few seconds his face softens. _Well, get you, tending to Haytham Kenway like this._ I feel a small sense of pride as I watch Haytham sleep, knowing that I may be able to nurse him back to his usual sarcastic self.

BRIINNG BRIINNG!

_Shit, the telephone! Shit, it’s gonna wake him up! Shit, why’d it have to go off now?!_

Sprinting to it, I lift up the receiver and run into the kitchen, so as not to disturb Haytham.

“Darling, is that you?” My mother’s voice calls out.

“Yes, it’s me, mum.” I pant down into the phone. _Shut up, I know I’m very unfit!_

“You sound like you’ve been running!” She exclaims hopefully. _Yes, my mother wants me to become more active, as if that’s going to happen!_

Trying to get a normal breathing rate I reply hastily, “Er, nope! You must be imagining things, mum, all I’ve been doing is gaming.” I hear my mother sigh and I roll my eyes, what did she expect?

“Well, don’t play for too long. Your father and I are both…” Here comes the lecture. I hold the phone away from my ear and make a few sounds of agreement. “…Are you even listening?”

“Huh, uh yeah, mum.”

“Now, we’ll be back on Sunday, okay. And you know where all the food is right?”

“Yes mother! I’ll be fine, I’m not a little girl anymore!” Wanting to end the conversation, I quickly say goodbye and hang up. _Urgh, parents are such a pain in the arse, when can I get enough money to buy my own place?!_

For a moment I forget about the man lying on my sofa as I place the phone on its stand and begin to fantasize about life on my own. Returning back into the living room, I see him, Haytham Kenway is starting to stir from his slumber.

_Oh God. Can I panic now?!_

I begin to wring my hands and chew my lips while he slowly stretches and groans as his eyelids flicker open. I literally cannot move and I’m paralyzed by the door. Suddenly Haytham’s sharp steel blue eyes locks into mine.

_Oh I am well and truly fucked._


	2. In which introductions are made and the carpet ruined

So here I am standing frozen on the spot while Haytham Kenway eyes me up. _Oh crap, I bet I look terrible. What did I put on this morning...my comfortable harem pants and an old T-shirt. Well I wasn't expecting any guests, let alone hot video game characters!_ As all this arguing ensues in my head, I notice Haytham carefully getting into a sitting position and taking off the wet flannel, all the time still watching me.

A slight uncomfortable silence now hangs in the air. _Shut up, I’m socially awkward!_ Just as it was about to get unbearable, Haytham clears his throat uneasily and slowly states, “Me-Haytham. I-come-in-peace. ” He places his hand on his chest. “Where…” He gestures around the room. “…am I?” Then points back to himself.

_Wait- what just happened?_ _Haytham Kenway thinks I can’t speak like a proper person!_   _T_ _his is just insulting!_ _Now I know exactly how Ziio felt._

“Um, you know I can speak English.” I answer indignantly, wanting to protect my pride.

Haytham’s eyebrows shoot up then he quickly recovers to wear an apologetic smile. _Asdfghjkl;! That smile!_ “I beg your pardon! Please forgive my error.”

I nod back at him, my twinge of annoyance now gone. _Oh of course, I’ll forgive you! How could I not?_

“My name is Haytham Kenway, and who, may I ask, am I in the presence of?” He asks very politely.

I feel like I should courtesy, he’s so official. “Er, I’m Tsubame Mizushima.” Well I might as well flaunt my name at him too. It is then I realise that he probably wasn’t used to Asians speaking English, no wonder he - _Hang on a second…doesn’t Haytham have trouble pronouncing foreign names?_ Before he could hack at my name, I quickly add. “You can call me Suba. ‘Sue-ba’”

 “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Suba.” Haytham manages to say it right and seems grateful as he smiles again. _Oh God, can he please stop messing with my ovaries!_ “I would be extremely thankful if you could please tell me where I am?”

_Crap, okay, do I just tell him the truth…?_ Taking a deep breath I decide that it’s best not to hide anything from him. “Basically, you’re in my house, in Boston.”

Haytham looks slightly more relieved, if not pleased. “Oh, thank goodness I am still in America.”

 “Erm, actually, Haytham…” _N_ _ow how do I put it to him without upsetting him?_ “We’re not in America. I live in Boston, Lincolnshire…in England.”

It’s now his turn to gawp at me and splutters feebly. “B-but, I’m…Lincolnshire…Boston, Boston n-not in Am-America?!”

I bite my lip as I stare helplessly at him. _Perhaps the fever has just made his reaction a lot worse._ Yup, that’s got to be it, I’ve never seen Haytham act like this before, he’s usually always so cool and composed. I better get rid of that temperature fast, before he does something stupid.

“Hey, um, Haytham.” He’s still blabbering to himself so I call out more loudly. “Haytham! Listen to me!”

He stops at once, startled from the assertiveness of my voice.  _Damn, where did that come from, I need to learn to do that more often._ I speak more softly now that I’ve got his attention. “Look, you need to calm down. You’ve got a fever and it’s just making you all dazed.”

Haytham blinks and nods. “Yes, a thousand pardons.” _My inner fangirl squeals with delight._ “You are correct, Suba, I am indeed not myself.”

“Okay, now that’s settled I’ll make you a drink, alright.”

“Will this elixir cure me?” he asks uncertainly.

I shrug and reply, “Well, whenever I’m ill and my mother makes it, I feel much better after drinking it. I thought you could try it and see what happens?”      

“Is your mother a healer?”

_A healer, seriously, aww bless!_   I chuckle back at him, “No, my mother is a masseuse but it’s my father who’s a doctor.”

At this, Haytham seemed to be more satisfied. _He probably only got reassured by the fact that I’m a doctor’s daughter._ “Very well, I shall try this miraculous healing elixir.”

Beaming at him, I skip into the kitchen and rifle through the cupboards. Once I found my mother’s special remedy jar, I chuck a spoonful of the dry herbs into a small pot, fill it up with water and heat it on the cooker. _Don’t even ask me what’s in it. Hello, if you didn’t notice my mother is Asian, she hates using prescribed medicines, despite what my father says, and will always try to treat small ailments using home remedies._ Whilst the drink is brewing away, I make myself a cup of tea, sipping on it to calm my excitable nerves. As soon as the concoction begins to bubble, I put out the flame and pour the drink into a mug that has the Batman symbol emblazed on it.  _Gotta love Batsy._

With a drink in each hand, I slowly make my way back into the lounge where Haytham is still sitting up but leant against the back of the sofa with his eyes closed.

“Umm, Haytham…Your er ‘elixir’ is ready.” I call out gently, waking him up.

He thanks me and takes the hot drink, sniffing it cautiously. I sit down opposite him and nod encouragingly. Blowing the surface of the liquid, Haytham purses his lips and take a sip.

Before I can ask him what he thinks of it, Haytham spits it out, spilling the remedy down his front.

“Hey! Now look what you’ve done now!” I snap in annoyance. “You’ve just ruined your clothes!”

_Real great, now I was going to have to clean them! What am I? His maid or something? Actually that doesn't sound too bad..._

Haytham pulls a disgusted face and shoves the drink back into my hand, exclaiming, “That is the vilest thing I have ever tasted!”

“Well, what did you expect?! These homemade cures don’t tend to taste like sugary rainbows. Just stop acting like a child and drink it up already! It’ll do you some good!”

_‘Sugary rainbows’? Really, Suba, am I losing my touch?_

Taking Haytham’s arm, I try to get him to hold the mug when suddenly…

SHHIINNKK!

Out juts the hidden blade from underneath his sleeve _. And where does it happen to go? Well, me of course! It has to be that one person who has a slow reaction time._ It neatly slits across my wrist drawing blood and causes me to drop the mug, spilling the contents all over the floor.

“Oh shit! The carpet! Mum’s going to be furious!” Yanking some tissues out of its box on the table, I kneel down, attempting to dab dry the spilt drink. This isn’t really working as my bleeding arm is now dripping down onto my mother’s prized carpet.

Whilst I swear wildly I don’t notice Haytham crouch down beside me and am caught by surprise when he grabs my hands, thankfully now his hidden blade sheathed. 

“Stop, Suba. You are  wounded and you care only for your mother’s carpet?” He spoke calmly not once breaking eye contact with me. “Have you no sense of self-preservation?!”

My cheeks blush in embarrassment and the fact that Haytham Kenway is actually holding my hands. _Is that my stomach doing back flips?_  Then he let go. _Aww I was enjoying that._  And began to unknot his now stained cravat. _Wait, is he actually going to do that chivalrous thing and- oh my god!_ Swiftly slipping it off with the grace of Benedict Cumberbatch's Sherlock, I take a peek at his exposed skin and marvel at beginnings of his prominent collar bones. _Not going to lie, i have a tiny fetish for pronounced collar bones, ok? Fine, call me creepy then._

Wrapping it tightly around my gash, I hold my breath, watching his hands working, revelling at this moment.  _If only I met people like this in real life?_

“There, that should prevent anymore blood loss.”

I mumble, “T-thanks. You didn’t have to do that you know. I could’ve just got a bandage…”

Haytham shrugs, stands and stretches. _Ohh, I wish his shirt wasn’t tucked in so tightly._ “No, I owe that much to you. You were merely trying to help me, but instead I have maimed you.”

“Um, I’ll just get you some paracetamol, then.”

Frowning, Haytham warily says, “Oh please do not waste your efforts on me! We wouldn’t want any more spills now, would we?” _Sure glad the sarcasms back now._ “I’m sure this temperature shall pass soon.”

I feel guilty about Haytham taking the blame so I gently insist on getting him some painkillers. “Really, it’s alright. I swear this time it won’t taste of anything and it’ll be gone in one gulp!”

By the time Haytham could answer I am gone in a flash. _Ok, so I could be quick when I wanted too, but that rarely happens, only in emergencies._ Reaching the medicine cabinet in the upstairs bathroom, I grab a box of paracetamol and thunder back to the kitchen. _Yes, I know I’m not the most dexterous person when doing anything vigorous._ I fill up a glass with water, catching time to regain my breath, and then speed walk back to my feverish guest. 

“There you go!” I pass Haytham the glass and motion him to open his hand. When he reluctantly does, I pop out two small pills onto his palm and grin at him. 

“I don’t like that smirk on your face, Suba.” He states drily.

Furrowing my brows, I scowl. “I’m not smirking!”

“Well, now you’re not.” _That sass._ Sighing he looks at me thoughtfully then rolls his eyes. “What will you have me do?”

_Umnngg! He actually said it. I should have recorded that so I could listen to the sexiness of his voice for an infinite number of times…_ “Hmm, what?! Oh yes!” I shake away the voices in my head. “Uh, you just swallow those pills. And you might want to drink the water afterwards, to help them on their way down.”

Shrugging Haytham exhales deeply and throws back his head dropping the painkillers down his throat. He scrunches up his face as he gulps down the water.

“See, not so bad right?” I proclaim optimistically, trying to lift up his mood.

“I suppose not.” He wryly replies.

“You should probably get some rest now.” Then I remember his predicament. “Oh, shall I soak your flannel again?”

 “Ah, yes, that would be most kind of you.” Passing the no longer cold flannel to me, I leave him to lie back down.

When I return with his wet flannel, I find him snoring gently on the sofa. Smiling faintly I lightly place it onto his forehead.  _Aww, I should take a photo-Wait! What the hell are you thinking, Suba! Are you a freaking stalker?_   _(Probably.) No wonder you have so few friends…_ Scolding the musings of my mind silently, I distract myself by tidying up the mess left by Haytham and I.

Staring at the state of the room, I know I must clean up the exploded beanie bag. But more importantly, how the crap am I going to explain to my mum about the stains on her precious carpet? _Oh yeah, by the way, mother, a character from a game just passed through our living room, but he was sick so I made him some of your special drink which he spat out, then he accidently cut me with his hidden blade._

_As if anybody would believe that?!_

  


	3. In Which We Attempt To Clean Up

So with Haytham off in dreamland, I take the remaining cups to the kitchen sink and wash them up. _Mother won’t let us get a dishwasher because it’s not ‘eco-friendly’ but I think it’s just an excuse to get me to do the dishes._ Afterwards, I dig around the cleaning cupboards to find some stain removal detergent. _Aha, gotcha!_ _It better do exactly what it says on the label (Bang! And the dirt is gone!)._ Putting on some rubber gloves and getting a cloth, I go back to the tarnished carpet then glower at Haytham’s sleeping back. _Why did he have to be such a stubborn bastard?_

I follow the instructions and dab the carpet with the cleaner, careful not to scrub.  _Please come out!_ To my extreme relief, the stains very slowly begin to fade until it could not be seen unless you squinted hard at it. Sighing, I push a few strands of hair off my forehead with the back of my gloved hand. Okay, now to clear up the beanie bag mess. I return the bottle and cloth back to where they belong and search for Henry.

Henry is our hoover of course. _You know, the red one, with the cute face and the long stretchy nozzle for its nose?_ Once I find him in the recesses of our utility room, I drag him (Henry that is), into the lounge and plug him into the socket. Just as I’m about flick the switch on, I remember my sleeping guest. I cough loudly and call his name. He doesn’t stir. I guess the paracetamol is making him drowsier. Approaching cautiously, I poke his shoulder. Still not waking, I continuously jab him. _Ohh, it’s very firm, maybe I should give it a squ-_

Before I can finish my thought, a hand grabs the back of my head pulling me forward, forcing me to kneel down onto the end of an extremely sharp point that touches my neck. _SHIT!_ I am now face to face with an angry and confused Templar who holds the tip of a blade over my jugular vein. _Well mark me down as scared and aroused!_   Squeezing my eyes shut, I feel Hatham’s breath on my face as he whispers coldly, “What are you doing in my chambers?” _Chambers…Does he still think he’s in the Green Dragon Tavern? But more importantly, never poke a sleeping Templar. Everybody got that?_

A squeak escapes my lips as he clenches my hair harder. “Answer me now before this,” He digs the blade further into my throat but not enough to pierce the skin. “…ends your life.” _Ok, not aroused, definitely not aroused!_

“H-Haytham, it’s me, Su-suba!” I manage to choke out. “We’re in-in my house in, Lincolnshire, E-England! R-remember, you’ve got a-a fever…” Fear grips my heart as I wait for the cool steel to stab through my neck. _At least I get to die a pretty badass way and even better, by Haytham’s hand._

Unexpectedly, I feel the blade being withdrawn and hear it sheath back. The hand lets my hair go and I slowly open my eyes.  Haytham wears a disturbed expression on his face as he studies me. “Suba, I am terribly sorry! Please, please forgive me. I don’t know what came over me…”

Letting out a sigh of relief, I rub my neck, where the blade had been. “It-it’s alright. I shouldn’t have woken you up like that…”

“This damned fever is causing far too many problems!” he barks in frustration as he stands up.

_I wish I could cheer him up- perhaps a hug to make it all better? No, that’s just stupid Suba!_

“Umm, Haytham, why don’t you go upstairs and sleep in my room.”

He gawps at me in shock. _Did I offend him? Is there some Georgian rule that says men can’t sleep in young girls’ beds? Now that I think about it, probably yes._   “Okay…perhaps not then. I’d let you sleep in the spare room but it’s not made…”

Sweeping his eyes around the room, Haytham suggests, “Why don’t I just assist you in cleaning this area. It seems I cause less life-threatening complications whilst awake.”  Then he prods my beanie bag with the toe of his boot. “Who caused this spillage, anyway?

“You did.”

“What on earth are you talking about?”

Didn’t he know how he arrived here? _Crap, how am I supposed to explain this?_ “Okay, this is going to sound really weird…”

Haytham watches me expectantly, waiting to hear what I had to say. I take a deep breath.

“Basically, you, err, I was playing a game on this device,” I point towards the console. “…when you just sort of, um, suddenly appeared out it. Oh and then you, you fainted on top of me whilst I was sitting on my beanie bag which exploded.”

I observe Haytham’s reaction. His eyes have widened slightly and he rubs his chin, deep in thought. _Now this was the Haytham I knew, well…you know what I mean._

“I see.” He pauses and stares at the console. “When was that made?”

“Oh, umm, I don’t know the manufacturing date but I think I brought it a few years back, two-thousand and nine, I think.”

This is when Haytham’s jaw drops and brows rise up. “Two…two-thousand and nine?”

I feel a twinge of sympathy, I can’t imagine how dreadful it must be for him to have been unexpectedly sucked out of his world and thrust into the unknown future. 

“Yes. You’re in the twenty first century…”

“What day is today?” He asks urgently. 

I look at my watch. “Twenty-eighth of June, two-thousand and thirteen.”

Haytham gazes at an empty space for a long time, not moving or speaking. _Shit, did I break him, or something?_ Just as I was about to open my mouth, he shakes his head slightly as if bringing himself back to this reality and acts as if he heard nothing out of the ordinary.

“I have much to do, Suba, but before that, let us clear this mess.”

Well he’s taken the news rather well, too well for my liking. _Of course, if it were me in Haytham’s place I’d probably have already started bawling._ However, I don’t want to ruin his mood so I half-smile, then pass him the hoovers nozzle. “Right. Here, take this.” He holds it firmly and waits for more instructions. “Ok, when I turn on the switch, you just push that end across the floor, over the little white balls, got it?”

Haytham nods curtly, readying himself, his knees slightly bent as if preparing for a fight and hands tightly gripping the tube. _I’m actually teaching a Templar from the Georgian era how to hoover!_ With an over-exaggerated gesture, I flick the switch. Henry roars to live. And Haytham yells in complete shock, leaping back, utterly horrified.  _Oh my fucking god!_ I can’t breathe! I’m laughing so hard and clutching my sides, I swear I could feel a six-pack coming on! My vision blurs as my eyes water and I just about make out Haytham backed up against the sofa, trying to get as far away from Henry as possible. I can’t hear his grievances over my laughter and the blaring vacuum.

Finally when my laughter subsides to giggles, I turn off wipe away my tears and gasp, “H-Henry won’t hu-hurt you!”     

With his lower lip curled, Haytham scowls, “That thing has a name?”

“Of course! Look.” Pushing Henry towards Haytham, I point to the name inscribed on the side.

“You never warned me that the thi-Henry, was going to make such a din!” He crosses his arms over his chest attempting to recover his pride. “Moreover, what even is the beast?”

I didn’t have enough energy to laugh again, so instead I chuckle back, “Beast? Henry’s no beast! He’s just a, um, inanimate device that sucks up dirt.”

Haytham glares at the hoover suspiciously. “How can something, ‘inanimate’ be so very loud?”

He had did have a good point. _When were they going to invent silent vacuum cleaners anyway?_ I shrug and reply. “Well, we’ll just have ask the great scientists and engineers to fix that, then.”

Still livid from the ‘surprise attack’ from Henry, Haytham refuses to use the hoover and sulks by the sofa, leaving me to do all the work. It doesn’t take me long, though and when I finish I turn to Haytham.

“Look, I’m just going to put Henry away and I’ll be back in a few seconds, alright?” As I drag the hoover away, I call out over my shoulder, “Don’t touch anything!”

Call me paranoid, but I didn’t exactly fully trust a handsome Templar from a video game who happens to be the antagonist, even if that man was Haytham Kenway. I had a hunch that he was itching to get a closer look at the PS3. _Probably thinks it’s a device from ‘Those who Came Before’. Oh lord, he’s not going to try and put the amulet in the disk tray is he?!_

No sooner had these negative ideas entered my mind, I hear a commotion from the lounge! _Goddamnit, Haytham! I tell you to do one simple thing and he goes off and does it!_ Fuming, I rush back to scold Haytham only to be blinded by a white light at the doorway of the room. _Ohh, somebody gonna get hurt real bad!_

“Haytham! What the hell is going on?!” I scream.

Expecting a snarky comeback from Haytham I am completely taken by surprise when I hear an angry bellow.

“WHERE IS CHARLES LEE?!”


	4. In Which An Epiphany Befalls Us

 Oh, if it couldn’t get any worse! _If you’re just tuning in, folks, I’ll remind you that Ratonhnhaké:ton, aka Connor, has now just joined my club, which has only one other member who coincidently happens to be his father._

Squinting through the harsh white brightness, I see the silhouette of two figures pressed against each other. _Have they resolved their family issues already? Are they hugging it out?_ As it did before, the lights soon vanish which gives a clear picture of what’s happening in the room.

_To my dismay, it is not at all what my fangirl thoughts had hoped for, rather quite the opposite._ Haytham holds Connor up against the wall, left arm outstretched and restraining his son’s right one whilst his other hand is clenched around Connor’s left hand. This is done in such a way that Haytham forces Connor’s own blade against his throat. Snarling back, the half-Native heartthrob, in full Assassin’s regalia, is powerless in his father’s hold.

_Oh hell no! There will be no more spills on this carpet!_

“STOP IT!”

_Man, these guys were really helping me get my authority out! At least it’s got their attention. It’s quite a funny sight actually._ Both father and son’s heads turn simultaneously at me, still fixed in their deadly lock. _Now what, Suba? You do realize that these men could kill you right now, so easily._ They stare daggers at me and I am instantly shut up. _Well, there goes my self-confidence down the drain._

For a moment all eyes are on me as I am once again frozen, unable to speak. It is Connor who first breaks the silence by peering down at the older man, then whispering, “Father?”

Using this small moment of shock, Haytham head-butts his own son. Connor’s head slams back into the wall and his body sags.  Immediately, Haytham tosses the limp bulk onto the floor and stoops over him, his knee on Connor’s chest and his own hidden blade pushed against the other’s neck.

_Oh shit, Haytham’s going to murder his own son-on my mother’s carpet!_ A jolt of alarm forces me to action. “Don’t Haytham!”

Looking back to me he says calmly, “Don’t what?”

“Don’t kill him!”

“That wasn’t my intention.” Sighing, Haytham gazes back at Connor’s unmoving form and gets off of him, withdrawing his blade. “Well, not yet anyway.”

“Haytham!” _You little shit!_

Shrugging, he places his hands behind his back, tilts his head to one side, eyes still glued on Connor. “Did you hear what he called me?”

“What, Father?” _N’aww, I can’t actually believe Haytham is going to find out he’s a father in my house!_

He nods then frowns, muttering, “I do not recall having a courtship with any Native woman…” _Well, ok, on his timeline he still hasn’t even met Ziio yet, let alone do it with her, but here we are with Connor declaring Haytham as his daddy!_

Edging closer, I take a better look at Connor. His hood has slipped off his head, revealing his salient features. In reality, it was much clearer to see the striking resemblance between father and son. Connor has the same face structure as Haytham as well as his overall frame and most prominently inheriting his nose and jaw.

“Well c’mon then!”

Haytham stares blankly at me. “Come on, what?”

“Help me move him to the sofa!” I nag.

“Why on earth would I want to do that?” 

“Because, he’s your son! And because it wasn’t very nice of you to try and kill him!”  I answer matter-of-factly.

Rolling his eyes he coldly states. “That is impossible. He appears far too old to be my child and moreover he’s an Assa- he’s a Native.”

_So, Haytham thinks I don’t know anything about his world. Do I tell him or feign ignorance?_ “Umm, Haytham I, er I know about the Assassin’s and, and the Templars…”

Furrowing his brows, he glares suspiciously at me. “How much do you know?”

_Ah, this is going to be tricky to explain?_ I lick my lips then take a deep breath. “You better sit down, it may take while…” Without another word, Haytham takes a seat and I kneel down on the floor. “Basically…”

I tell him everything. Absolutely everything I have in my knowledge about the two Orders. All throughout this, Haytham does not interrupt me as he listens intently, nodding or frowning occasionally. Only at discovering that he and Connor were video game characters does he begin to reveal his true feelings.

“So, that’s it. It’s all fake. That’s all I am, a fictional character. I’m- I’m not even real…” Haytham says softly, not meeting my eyes.

_Oh Jesus, he’s not feeling suicidal is he? But who wouldn’t after finding out that their entire life was make-believe._ I feel a lump at my throat and swallow hard.

“Haytham, I, I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now, but…but you are real. You are here. You’re here with me and Connor. And whether or not you are a fictional character, you are alive. You are a living, breathing and feeling human being. Haytham even before…before this happened, you were still alive-”

“Alive?!” Haytham scoffs indifferently. “No, Suba. My whole existence was made up.”

“You’re wrong, Haytham.” I shake my head and look him straight in the eye. “For what it’s worth, you were alive in the hearts and minds of the thousands of gamers and readers who had the pleasure of playing you and, or reading your journal. They too experienced your trials and triumphs. They know what you’d gone through; I know what you’ve been through.” Then I abruptly remembered something. “I-I once read somewhere that to see differently is to think differently. So please, think of this incidence as a…as a blessing.”

At this, Haytham’s mouth opens slightly and his eyes widened. “Suba, I…” Before he could finish, a loud moan then a string of words (in what I assume was Mohawk language) interrupts him. In the blink of an eye, Haytham straddles Connor preventing any movement and demands, “Who are you?”

_How the crap do people move so fast? And most importantly, Suba, don’t think of incest! Forget about all those sick fanfics you read._

“I am Ratonhnhaké:ton. And you, Haytham Kenway, are my father!” Connor states coolly. _Ah such poise and pride._

“So Rad-Radhu…” Haytham stutters awfully.

“If you cannot say my name, just call me Connor.” _We all know where he got that sass from._

“Well, Connor, if I am indeed your father, then who, pray tell, is your mother?” 

I see Connor’s eyes harden as he growls, “You’ve already forgotten her?! Do you not even remember her name?”

Haytham’s face twists up in confusion. “I don’t kn-”

“Kaniehti:io!” Connor shouts, bristling with anger underneath his clueless father. “My mother loved you! And you left her for your precious Templars!”

“Wait, Connor.” I call out. I didn’t want to watch these two to destroy their relationship all over again. His head inclines to me and I feel his hostility roll off in waves. “Look, Haytham doesn’t know your mother because they haven’t even met each other yet.”

“What?!” They instantaneously cry and then glare at each other before turning back to me.

I sigh. “Well, as I’ve already told Haytham, you come from a video game, Connor and-“

“Video game?” Interferes the baffled Assassin.

Making a sound of annoyance, Haytham remarks. “Just let her continue, boy, she’ll explain it all to you later. Suba, do go on.”

Hesitantly, I watch Connor scowl but carry on when he doesn’t speak. “Ok, Haytham, when you appeared here, I was on a level in the game where you hadn’t met Zii- Kaniehti:io. However, Connor must’ve come from the future in the game, when you fiddled around with the console, Haytham.” I glower at him in accusation.

“I was not ‘fiddling’ with the console device but studying the contraption with the many buttons and two rotating sticks.” Haytham defiantly says.

“Oh, Haytham, the controller can turn the console device on! You’ve brought your own son from the future yourself!” I scold, feeling pissed off at him for not obeying me.

Just as Haytham was about to make a remark, Connor interjects, “So what you are trying to say is that in this world, I have not yet been conceived?”

“That’s exactly what she’s telling you, boy. Moreover, she has just told you that neither of us exist in this reality. We are but fictional, made-up characters.” Haytham coldheartedly declares.

After hearing this Connor is devoid of any visible emotion, his eyes stare vacantly at the ceiling, I notice his jaw clenching and unclenching.

Oh no, this Kenway hasn’t been too damaged, has he?


	5. In which men act like boys

_Oh God, why did this have to happen to me?! I am burdened, not with glorious purpose, no, but two men who seem to hate each other's guts and have just found out that they come from a video game._

"Umm, Haytham…I think you should get off him now." I suggest sheepishly. He looks down at the emotionless half-Native below him.

"Very well, since the boy has made no move to attack after discovering the truth, I suppose I can let him off the hook," Haytham curtly says. "After, he removes his weapons." _You crafty fox, you!_

At this Connor startles, "No. I will not let you take them away."

Haytham sighs and seems to tighten his hold. "Then, so be it. Suba, do you have some rope or anything that can be used to restrain my dear son?" _Yay, he's starting to acknowledge the fact that Connor's actually family, sure he's being all sarcastic, but one step closer to a loving bond, possibly… But Rope? What the hell? Does he plan to just tie Connor up until…until what?_

"And what good will that do?" I question boldly.

"Well for one thing, we don't know how he'll act once we let him loose."

"I am no savage!" snaps Connor. _Phew, the guy's gonna be fine!_

With a roll of his eyes, Haytham replies drily. "I never said you were. I was merely stating the fact that we have no idea whatsoever how you'll respond if set free, whilst still armed."

Connor scowls and mumbles something about "Never hurting innocents…" _Hang on a second, here! I feel the surge of standing up to injustice._

"But Haytham," I start slowly. "It'd be rather unfair if you're still armed but Connor isn't? I mean it just doesn't seem right to me…"

Haytham glares icily at me and Connor pipes up. "She has made a good observation, father, you should listen to her."

When Haytham doesn't comment I continue. "I- I'm just saying that if one of you are not armed then the other should be also unarmed. It's just…fair." Connor nods smugly as his father frowns.

"Fine then, let the boy be equipped. But he shall still be bound." Declares Haytham gruffly. _Hold up! What about you, Suba?_

"Wait! Before we go tying people up, I think you guys forgot one small thing." Both men look blank. "Uhh, me!" They still don't get what I'm trying to put across. "I'm unarmed!"

"What a surprise!" Exclaims Haytham sarcastically.

"Right, nobody is allowed any weapons!" I announce brusquely, holding out my hands. "No discussions! Hand them over."

Together, father and son glower at me and at the same time begin to spurt out protests, still in the same position as before. _Oh Jesus, it's like two kids arguing to their mother about toys._ "SHUT UP!" Surprisingly, they actually do and what's more I'm not freezing up. "Look, you're in my house and you will do as I say. And what I'm saying right now is that no one is going to be armed in this house, at all times! That's final. No more squabbling. Give me all your weapons right now! And don't even think about keeping your hidden blades!" Man, sure glad I don't have kids. I feel for all mothers in the world now. Who knew that two grown men could be so childish?

Perhaps, they'd seen something in my eyes or maybe it is just my screeching voice, nevertheless whatever it was, Haytham and Connor glance at each other before reluctantly starting to disarm themselves. Haytham's still on top of Connor but has shifted slightly to allow him some movement. Connor relieves himself of his tomahawk and bow and arrows, placing them on the ground near me, then begins to undo his hidden blades. Haytham also undoes his with a sour expression on his face (it appeared he had left behind his sword in the game, thankfully).

All throughout this, I catch snatches of what must have been insults under their breaths, not daring to oppose me and once they both pass the deadly weapons over, I ask one more time, "Are these definitely the last ones, because if you have any more secret weapons hidden somewhere on your body, I swear you'll be made to strip naked and I'll search you myself!" _Gosh that sounds a bit sexual… Ummmfff, imagine their bare, muscular- Concentrate now, Suba. This is not the time!_ They both pale and I imagine that they wouldn't be very comfortable with a strange eighteen year old girl violating their privacy and poking different parts of their body. _Ok, I swear that sentence was not meant to be dirty!_ Judging from their reactions, I guess that they did indeed have more arsenals of concealed weaponry.

"Haytham, get off Connor so that both of you can give me the rest of your weapons." With a grimace, Haytham walks off to the table and starts to rummage between his clothing whilst Connor stands, rubbing the back of his head before he notices my glare then, like his father, swiftly delves for the hidden armaments. After a couple of minutes of me gawking at the places things could be kept, all the dangerous items were finally given up and there was a neat little pile on the floor. Father and son stood around it with huge frowns on their faces, clearly not impressed or happy with this outcome. _Is this what power feels like, because it feels good!_

"There we go! Not so hard, was it guys?" No reply. I sigh then become serious. "Look, I'm going to put this away now and you two are going to stay here. If you dare get into a fight or wander out of this room, I promise that you will see my bad side and by golly, you don't want that. Trust me." Suddenly, I remember the PS3. Oops, better take that too in case Haytham messes around with it again and a red-coat comes through, or worse. As I unplug the console I realise that carrying an armful of weapons would be rather risky. I spot a spare blanket my mother liked to keep in the lounge, she just gets cold really easily ok! I unfold it on the floor and carefully place the harmful objects on it. Once I'd done this, I wrap up the blanket with the weapons, cautiously lifting it and place the console and controller under my arm. Watching me struggle, none of the men offer me help. Probably still pissed at me for taking their 'toys' away.

I somehow manage to carry the makeshift sack to the garage, which is attached to the side of the house. Spying my old school trunk, yes I went to boarding school don't judge, I undo the latches and open it up. There are only a few random items and my uniform in it, so I take those out and dump in the weapons with a loud clatter; it is now the 'trunk of death'. Luckily, I spot my padlock, still with its key, amongst the items and I kiss it before locking the trunk. Taking the key, I put it on a chain I always wear around my neck, with my little, silver sparrow pendant. 

Hurrying back, I can hear that my command hasn't entirely been successful. They bicker incessantly as I enter the threshold. "…had not disobeyed her, then I would not be here!"

"Oh, does poor little Connor miss his mummy?"

"My mother's dead! If you- "

"WOAH! Let's all just calm down here!" I interrupt and stand between them, pushing them apart. _Dayum, even through their clothing I can feel their muscles!_ "What did I tell you guys?! Can you not follow simple instructions? Do I have to monitor every little single thing, you two do?"

They stare down at me. _Yes, I'm short at five feet three, if you must know._ I slowly fold my arms and calmly look back at them, not wanting to relinquish my power. Noticing that I wouldn't let a fight ensue, Haytham steps back first and says, "No, you don't have to babysit us, Suba. I was merely trying to explain to Connor the situation we're in before he lost control of his emotions."

Connor pushes his chest out. "I never did such a thing! I was only telling you a fact and when you did not like listening to the truth, you involved my mother into it!"

Throwing my hands up, I proclaim. "For God's sake! You two are behaving like children! And those who act like children shall be treated as such! Now before anyone can make another accusation or comment, you two are going upstairs to have some showers!"

Their faces show nothing but astonishment. I cringe inwardly. Too much mummy perhaps?

Hesitantly, Connor asks, "Umm, what are showers? It is not raining outside…"

Brilliant, really brilliant! Do I actually have to help them wash? Actually that doesn't seem like such a bad idea…


	6. In which the concept of showering is clarified

_Do I really have to explain this?! Of course you do Suba, look at their bloody faces; they have no flipping idea what a shower is!_

I put my palm to my face. "Look, why don't you guys just follow me to the bathroom. I think it'll be a lot easier to see a demonstration." _NO, I am not going to shower in front of two men!_

The two family members look at each other before shrugging at me. They'd obviously seen my exasperation. The trip to the bathroom is uneventful; nobody says anything although I could feel their inquisitiveness as we walk across the landing and pass various rooms. When we reach our destination, Haytham speaks first. "Ah, you only wish for us to bathe. The vocabulary must have reformed since our time." _Bless you, you clever Templar, noticing the bathtub and thinking language had changed._

Shaking my head, I quickly retort, "Actually, no. Although I still want you to get cleaned up, I don't want you to take a bath… I want you to have a shower." _I could have been less difficult and just let them 'bathe' but my parents are into the eco-friendly shit (more like saving money).  
_

Before anyone could speak, I twist the shower knob and a cascade of water beats down into the bathtub. "That's a shower, okay guys!"

Haytham's eyes widen whereas Connor flinches back slightly and glares suspiciously at it, asking, "What is this type of magic? Did you communicate with the Spirits using that metal arm? How does the water suddenly appear as if it raining?"

I try not to laugh at his queries and feel as though a few ribs may crack from the effort. Haytham rolls his eyes at his son. "Don't be so naïve, boy."

"I do not recall asking you anything, father." spits the Assassin _. The amount of sass these two have is actually off the scale._

"Well, Connor, the shower works by, umm, a system of pipes that run to all around the house and er, distribute water at the end of whatever it is." I describe weakly. "Sorry I can't go into any more detail, but that's all I know about the plumbing of houses."

The half-Native nods to me. "That is fine. I think I have a better understanding of 'showers' now."

Beaming back, I announce, "So, who's going to shower first?"

"I shall." Haytham declares definitely. _Oh, daddy's setting a good example!_

"Right, okay then! There's the soap and this is the shampoo, you only use that for your hair. Then after you've washed that out you apply the conditioner and rinse it out with water." I move my finger to the other bottle, next to the shampoo. "And, that's about it really."

As Haytham begins to take off his cloak he inquires, "Where shall I place my garments?"

"Oh, umm, just chuck them in that laundry basket and I'll put them in the washing machine later. And before I forget," I quickly pop out, into the airing cupboard and return. "Here's a towel to dry yourself, don't worry its clean!"

Nodding, Haytham begins to unbutton his naval style coat. He's doing it so slowly; it's almost like a tantalizing strip tease. _Can I just rip it off, please?_ Noticing my eyes on him, Haytham cocks a brow at me. _No, don't do that to me!_ _Shit, does the Grandmaster know how to read minds?!_ Connor appears to feel the awkwardness in the air and coughs noisily.

"Uhh, yeah let's go Connor…" I state loudly and drag him out. I shut the door gently and sigh, trying to forget that behind me was a stripping Templar god. I distract myself by trying to make conversation with Connor who stands uneasily in the landing.

"I, er, didn't manage to introduce myself properly. I'm Tsubame Mizushima."

The Assassin inclines his head to me. "Tsubame Mizushima, you already seem to know who I am, so I shall not repeat myself again."

"Yeah, it's just Suba, by the way." I correct him lightly.

"My apologies, Suba."

An uncomfortable silence befalls us. _I'm sorry I'm never the best person at keeping a conversation going._ Suddenly I remember, "Soo, umm, would you mind if you help me make the bed?"

"Of course not. How may I be of assistance to you?" Connor politely asks. _D'aww such a gentleman!_

Motioning to the already open airing cupboard, I say, "Could you please reach for those sheets on that top shelf, as you can see I'm at a rather, ahem, small disadvantage." _Yes, I went there and did that pun._

I see Connor's mouth twitch slightly as he reaches up. _Damn those Assassin robes, I get no delicious view._

"Yep, those are the ones, that's great! Can you just follow me over here." Walking to the spare bedroom, I open the door and let us in. "Just put them over there, thanks!"

The bedroom is quite large but barely furnished with a wooden chest of drawers that has a table mirror on top of it. Opposite that is the bare double bed, complete with duvet and pillows, a bedside table and small lamp stand on the left side of it.

As I take the duvet and pillows off the mattress, Connor leans against the doorway and watches me work. "Why is there only one bed?"

I stop what I do and face him. "Sorry, but this is the only spare bed we have. We're not exactly a rich family."

Connor's face turns apologetic. "I did not mea-"

_Shit how could I have snapped at such a cutie._ "It's fine!" I interrupt with a wave of my hand. "Seriously, I shouldn't have said that. Sorry, but I'm just under a bit of tension, what with you guys suddenly turning up and all…"

"I apologise for any stress my father and I may be causing you. Had I been given the choice, I would never have troubled you." Connor responds solemnly. I return him a small smile and get back to flapping the sheets free of dust. "Here, let me help." Taking hold of one end of the linen material, he moves to the foot of the bed, and stretches it out before tucking it under the mattress. _Good old Achilles had taught the boy well!_

With Connor helping me out, the bed is made much more quickly than usual. Just as we are finishing plumping the pillows, the bathroom door opens, letting out a stream of steam.

It was just like those god awful chick-flicks where the hot guy comes out of the shower, wet and dripping in only a towel. The only difference is that Haytham is actually bone dry. Ok, I exaggerate, he's not bone dry, rather more of a moist look to his skin and his hair is still damp but swept back.

I try not to let animalistic noises leave my lips as I peruse his tanned and chiselled torso. _Well fuck me! It's not every day you get to see a ripped, naked man in the house!_

"Suba, Suba…SUBA!"

"Wha-?" Shaking my head, I tear my eyes away from the toned abdominal muscles to look at Haytham's face.

"Suba, as you can very well see, I am in need of some clothes. I would be grateful if you'd find me something before you…hmm overheat yourself." Haytham declares nonchalantly.

_Ok, so my inner fangirl must've escaped for a couple of seconds but I'm in control now, I promise!_ "Erm…oh yes…" My voice has gone a bit high and I try to clear my throat. "Umm, you can wear my father's clothes…" _Suba, you forgot Connor!_ "Oh yeah and Connor you can go take your shower now. The towels are kept where we got the bedding from. If you need anything just call me."

The half-Native appears to be a bit taken aback as he suddenly finds that it's his turn but staunchly nods at me before I lead the almost nude Templar to my parent's room.

_Well now Suba, what on earth are you going to clothe Haytham in? I know you want to keep him as he is but the poor guy will end up catching pneumonia!_


	7. In which bathroom toiletries are a hindrance

_Squarity-square, what's the Grandmaster going to wear?! Yes, I did the Tumblr thing, I'm sorry._

Turning to Haytham, I take in his height and build after quickly glancing at his distinct collarbones- _shut up, I have a fetish for them!_ Oh crap, my dad's clothes aren't going to fit a tall and athletic Caucasian man, are they? _Stupid, short Asian genes!_

"Err, Haytham, there may be a little problem," _No pun intended._ "My father is a rather small man and I-I don't think his clothes are going to be very comfortable to wear…"

The almost naked Templar shrugs and folds his arms across his chest. "Well, judging from your stature, I hadn't kept my hopes high." _Oh gee thanks_. "Just hand me the largest clothing your father owns. I'm sure it won't be too bad." I can't keep my eyes off the might of his biceps. _Whatever you do, Suba, restrain yourself from squeezing them!_

"Hmm, oh yeah." I force myself to look away and begin to rifle through the large wardrobe. "Okay…That will definitely be too small! No. Nope. Seriously, dad?! Perhaps this…"

After a couple of minutes, I manage to find a selection of loose fitting shirts and t-shirts. I know that none of my dad's trousers will fit so I take out some baggy shorts.

"Suba, this is a rather sensitive topic but since you are the only person here…" Haytham starts with a slight frown of discomfit. "Are there not any undergarments worn in this time?"

_You complete idiot, Suba!_ "Oh, umm, yes we still wear 'undergarments' sorry, I just forgot." I go to the small chest of drawers where my parents keep their underwear and pull out a white vest and men's briefs. Yes my dad preferred briefs over boxers. "Here you go. They might be a bit, er, tight."

Taking them from me, I catch a whiff of the post-shower Haytham. _Mmmmmmhhhhh, so glad I brought dad that wood-spice soap._ _But what's this…do I smell my mother's exotic spa oils?_ "Erm, Haytham, did you by any chance use any other, umm, substances other than the ones I showed you?"

With a quirk of his lips, he replies cheerfully, "How did you know?"

"I-I can smell something other than soap and shampoo on you…"

"Ah yes. I hope you don't mind?" I shake my head. _Bit late for that now._ _Hey ho, he does have a pleasant aroma around him and I bet his skin is silky smooth. Pity I won't be able to carry out my wager._ "I was just looking around your bathroom and I saw this bottle which had an extremely appealing label, so I followed the instructions. You have just helped me prove that it did indeed do as it promised."

Without warning, a loud thud followed by a pandemonium of yells emanate from the bathroom. _Oh shit, Connor!_ Haytham smirks in clear delight at his son's failure to handle a shower. "You better go help the dear boy before he hurts himself anymore."

Sprinting to the bathroom, I rap on the door and call out, "Connor, I'm coming in so you better be decent!" Slowly, I push open the door to see a sight of turmoil. The shower curtain is half torn off at the hooks and is covering Connor's groin however the rest of his copper skin is bare. _Should I be feeling thankful or dejected for the well placed material?!_ He's sprawled at the far end of the bathtub, away from the boiling hot water that blasts out of the showerhead. It's almost like a parody of those Italian marble statues; the handsome naked man with the Herculean body covered inconspicuously with a sheet. I say almost because his face is screwed up in pain with suds from his lathered hair trailing into his eyes. _Ouch!_ _Getting shampoo in your eyes is one of the most painful things, like being blinded but worse._

Had it been another person, I would've been laughing my head off by now but Connor was just so helpless in this state, I couldn't be so cruel. Screwing shut the shower, I open the tap. "I've turned the tap on so you can wash your face."

"Su-Suba, I cannot see." Cries out Connor arms outspread. _Aww poor thing!_ I take hold of one of his hands and guide him towards the taps after warning him to cover up his crotch. _What do you take me for! I'm not to take advantage of him like that!_

As he rubs his face clear of anymore shampoo, I ask, "How did you get into such a mess?"

At this I catch the half-Native's cheeks redden slightly and he mumbles. "I was washing my hair with that thick liquid you said to use until it got into my eyes. I reached out for the arm that releases the water but I must have turned it so that only boiling water comes out. In my haste to avoid scalding my skin, I slipped back, taking with me the curtains." Then his amber orbs meet my own nut brown ones, his voice low and grave. "Suba, I am sorry for causing this."

"Connor, it's completely fine! These things happen! Hey, at least you didn't dislocate your elbow in the shower!" I try and comfort him. _Don't even ask about that accident; just know that I have no grace or poise._ "Are you alright now? Do you need any more help?"

With a twist of his mouth, embarrassment crosses his face. "Could you please help me set the water to the right temperature, then you may leave."

"Sure!" Motioning Connor to step back, I watch his stomach tense while he does so with great care as to not reveal anything, a handful of fabric draping down his lower front. _What I'd give to just run my hands across that body…Suba, enough of this!_ After making sure Connor is a safe distance away, I turn the shower on to a temperature that I like. "Is this ok?"

Tentatively, he reaches out an arm. "Perhaps a little cooler…"

Nodding, I twist the knob a tad more to the cold side. "How about now?"

"That is perfect. Thank you for your help, Suba."

I beam back at him before leaving him to rinse off the rest of the shampoo. When I walk into my parent's room I discover Haytham attempting to button up a short-sleeved shirt. _Oh Jesus!_ It's one of those garish Hawaiian shirts with the floral patterns. _Actually, why the hell does my dad even have that shirt?_ He grunts in annoyance before giving up as the buttons don't stretch far enough across his wide chest. Before I can stop myself, a snort escapes my lips and I clap my hands across my face.

"Charming." Haytham's lip curls as he acknowledges me.

"Sorry!" I squeak through my fingers. Seriously, seeing a usually extremely well-dressed Georgian Templar wearing some ill-fitting shorts, a white vest that clung deliciously on his hunky form with a bright multi-coloured Hawaiian shirt done up half-way was just…phsaw…there are no words!

Trying to retain his dignity, Haytham straightens and brushes down the coloured shirt. "There wasn't exactly much choice. This is the only shirt that isn't tight around my arms. Is this really what people wear in the future?" _Oh boy, here comes a rant._ "Have they no shame, showing off their limbs so improperly? I assume even women dress so indecently. How is one supposed to have any decorum? It's all absolutely ludicrous!" _Jeez, if Haytham thinks just revealing arms and legs are vulgar he would be having a fit at the beach with all those beautiful girls in bikinis and what not._

"Don't worry, Haytham, not all fashion is as bad as what you're wearing, however, these days it's fine showing skin from almost anywhere apart from the obvious places, y'know... Besides, we can go clothes shopping tomorrow." I assure him. I pray and hope I have enough money from my previous summer jobs…

"Thank God for that." He exhales in relief and slicks back his slightly wet hair with a hand. _Umfff, imagine that in slow motion…oh sweet fancy Moses!_ "I don't think I can spend much longer dressed in such brash clothing."

"Yeah, I'd be feeling the same as you if I was in your position. Oh by the way, can I take back the towel?" I stretch out my hand.

"Of course you may." Just as Haytham picks up the damp cloth and passes it over to me, Connor appears soaking at the doorway. His collarbone length, raven-black hair (still with the trademark braid) drips droplets of water onto his broad, muscular shoulders that run down the plains of his torso. _Do not drool, Suba! Oh, hot bacon sandwiches!_ Like his father, he is very toned and in extremely good shape, although he is a little more slimmer. _I prefer my men on the more bulky side anyways, sorry Connor, Haytham's the only for me!_

"Had any problems with the shower, son?" mocks Haytham with a grin.

"I simply had trouble with adjusting the temperature, father." The Assassin states evenly not catching his father's eyes. "Suba, I have placed my robes in the basket. What would you have me wear?"

"Come in, over there on the bed. Just try on something until it fits…" I wave to the heap of clothes and find some underwear for Connor. "Here's your umm, undergarments." Taking them from me, Connor nods his head in thanks.

"Let us away, Suba, before you blister the boy with your stares." Haytham announces whilst he makes his way to the door and waits for me to walk through first. _Damn it! Got caught by the Grandmaster again!_ Disgracefully, I hang my head low, failing to hide my blush, hastily stepping out with Haytham who follows close by and shuts the door gently behind him, allowing his son some well-deserved privacy.

Wonder what Connor is going to decide to wear? Hopefully nothing as colourful as daddy…


End file.
